My parents are still alive and I am striving to heal the disaster their divorce left, but I learned something over the years. The death of a close family member can be debilitating, especially a parent. Sometimes I have actually felt lucky to not be so close, because when the parting comes, I don’t expect it to be as debilitating as I have seen in others. Yet, here i am trying to get closer to them in their endgames, setting myself up for debilitating emotional trauma. maybe i am dumb, but despite the emotional independence my childhood gave me, it still feels like baggage that at least needs a repacking, if I am not leaving it behind